Friends and crying rule.
2002-06-19 - 12:13 a.m.
Yay, friends are good.
I have a friend who just recorded a song she wrote, and I like it a lot. I may end up involved in doing another recording of it with a better microphone (the one I used to make my Mom's cd).
It reminds me a bit of Little Red Car Wreck. I haven't heard her sing before. I was surprised how much I liked it.
Friends are being really nice and helping me deal with that death stuff. I think the memorial will be time just about right for me to be able to break down a bit and cry.
What's odd is that a lot of times, when something really affects me, it sometimes takes something to set me off crying. At a friend's grandmother's funeral, as we were leaving at the end, the friend's grandfather shook my hand and was weeping. That set me off, and I finally cried, a lot.
Sometimes I'll be watching something, like the Simpsons even, and something will touch me, and I'll cry. Sometimes I'll watch something that makes me really sad, like Schindler's List, and I'll be sad but won't cry.
So, I cry when I cry. I haven't cried about Dad yet... except the first time I saw him in that home. I was actually annoyed, because I wanted to visit with him, and I had friends with me, and I had to leave cause I just couldn't stop crying. I don't know if he noticed... he was pretty gone, and he didn't carry himself the same way any more, and he looked totally different. That's why I cried. He was already partly gone.
I had a friend whose father taught him not to cry. Boys don't cry. It's a weak thing to do. Bull. I like to cry. It's a release, and it makes me feel better. It's good for you.
Oh, I also cried a few months ago when I talked to Mom about what we're going to do for the funeral. Yeah, I'll probably cry Saturday.
